MODERN MALADIES

There are a number of new complaints currently around in our community. In the interests of public (and private) health, here is an outline of the most common ones.

*PLEASE NOTE: Although some are definitely 'sex-linked', they do not seem to be communicable. Although several members in the same family may share a particular disorder, others may escape  the syndrome. Sadly, it is also possible for an individual to suffer from several conditions at once!

DOMESTIC BLINDNESS

Perhaps the most common of all defects, most often occurring in males. Symptoms reliably appear when opening the refrigerator, or the drawer where socks and underwear are kept. Often results in a cry resembling: "Where did you say my dinner (or cat's food, ice cream, salad, clean singlet) was? I can't see it!" – usually uttered while the aforementioned is in full view approximately l5cm away. The fact that most refrigerators (unlike sock drawers) are brightly illuminated, is irrelevant. …………

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This article continues with details of Marital Deafness, and a number of hitherto unidentified yet (blindingly recognisable) conditions.

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(story finishes…)

While not attempting to be a total list of all modern afflictions, those mentioned above constitute the most irritating and difficult. 

More information may be obtained by contacting the State Council on Modern Maladies – or talking to the nearest human being (unless he or she happens to suffer from Marital Deafness, of course - in which case you won’t be heard anyway) who will be able to confirm that any of the above afflictions are a normal and necessary component of everyday life.

©Sally Hammond 2006

Picture Credits: ©Gordon Hammond 2006

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Please email Sally Hammond for a pricing schedule or to discuss purchase of this article.

• Currently the article runs to approximately 1200 words.

• The length of the article may be changed according to editorial needs however if  substantial additional work is requested it will affect the final cost of the article.

• Pictures are not available (see gallery for prices, selection and ordering).

• This article is currently unpublished. All rights available.

KEY WORDS: relationships, humour, un-medical conditions.